Category: Mentoring

Doppelgängers and Recognition

Doppelgängers

The TV sitcom “How I Met Your Mother” has popularized the use of the word “Doppelgänger” as a term to describe finding a ‘double,’ an erie but awesome look alike. It is a word that causes you to use both lips and tongue to say it aloud and makes you want to smile just saying it. The TV sitcom uses it to describe finding a look alike of their friends such as Vancouver actress Cobie Smulders who plays television reporter Robin Scherbatsky, also a Canadian. Take for example Cobie Smulder (Robin), Kirstie – my son’s girlfriend, and Meghan Fox. Given the right hairstyle and pose – very similar.

Robin

In my travels I frequently come across strangers who look like someone I know. Over the years have used these occurences as a prompt to pray for my friends. Now I have  name for it. I have recently expanded my travel game to include taking a photo of the doppelgänger and then sending it to my friend with the location of where I am at the time and a note to say that I paused to pray for them.

Doppleganger David

Recently I noticed a fellow in the balcony of a church in New York that looked like my friend David – and I paused to pray for him.

In an airport I saw a fellow that reminded me of my friend Eli Hernadez so I also offered up a prayer for him. (Interestingly I received a Blackberry message from him just minutes later.)

This little reminder to pray has increased my intercession for others – and it is fun. Try it.

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Recognition

I knocked on the door then opened it announcing my arrival with “Hello” with the ‘..lo’ drawn out and sounding musical.

“Gampa.Gampa” came squeals of delight accompanied by the sound of feet running towards me. My two ‘walking’ grandsons, Landon (3) and Liam (1) rushed towards me. Landon imitating the moves of a hockey player with his socks sliding on the wood floor and Liam walking carefully – trying not to smile so broadly that his soother would fall out – with his arms upheld . This is the universal sign language for ‘pick me up and hug me Grandpa’.

Simply the sound of my voice was enough recognition for us to embrace in this little love-fest at the door.

Don’t we love being recognized by those who love us?

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Recognized By Your Love

“By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” —John 13:35

This was the test Jesus said would distinguish his followers. We would be recognized by our love for one another. The Bible gets more specific on the ‘love’ we are to show.  To present or show this ‘love’ succinctly we are instructed  “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Howard Lawrence and I had a chance to hang out together in Phoenix and I enjoyed discussing neighborhoods. He is an Arrow leader who directs the Neighbourhood Life emphasis of Forge particularly attending to what God is up to in our neighborhoods.

Who is your neighbor?

The word comes to us from an old english term, nēahgebūr – from nēah [nigh, near] + gebūr [inhabitant]. There is no way of dodging the fact that if you are a follower of Jesus you should be known by your love, and we must be engaged in loving those who live near you.

In our developing of leaders in the Arrow Leadership Program we remind them of this need for recognition by love, and add that our ‘first neighbor’ is actually your family – spouse and children, parents, siblings, nieces, nephews – and of course grandchildren.

Howard and I reflected on how the actions and expectations of ‘the church’ frequently mitigate against our doing just that.  It has left me reflecting on how Arrow might encourage Christian leaders to engage their personal communities and empower those they influence to do the same. A key to this being successful is that those who engage their neighbors are spiritually formed by Christ – mature and transparent enough to handle the love.

What do you think? I’d like reading your thoughts.

Would your neighbors say that you are a doppelgänger for Jesus?

Selah (a contemplative pause)

Time Flies

When was the last time you used the expression “time flies”? It flows from my mouth when I am feeling rushed or just can’t get things done in a timely manner.

Logically, we know time is consistent; it is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries for all of us … so what’s going on?

Over the past weeks I have reflected on the pace of my life and everything points to – it being out of control.  My commitment and previous practice to create space to take care of my mind, body, and soul has been disrupted – and there has been a price to pay.

Leaders have different capacity – and it is important to not expect all leaders have your capacity. I have high-capacity – just ask anyone on our team – but I too have limits. Lost productivity, susceptibility to fatigue, discouragement and a soul snapping possibility threaten us if we as leaders get to this place.

Reality settles in as we realize that it is the pace ‘we choose’ to live that is the problem.

That’s right, it’s the pace we choose to live.

Pace

As I reviewed my schedule of the past year I can see that I made choices that have displaced my time for reflection, writing and many things that bring me delight. Yes, it has been a busy season. Yes, I lost three months due to a car accident. Could I have done some things differently? Certainly, and that is my responsibility, no matter how crazy the season.

In discussing my reflections with the Arrow board they encouraged me to simply pause, and ‘unplug’ from Arrow for a month. “Get restored and spend time with God” they loving said to me – and  backed it up by offering to put on their volunteer hats and serve in a variety of ways throughout the month to assist Arrow in continuing our ministry of developing leaders.

Selah – You have heard and seen the word peppered throughout some of the Psalms. It is often translated ‘pause’ which is fitting. It comes from the Hebrew word which literally means “to hang” and thus “to measure” as in hanging scales. So for the month of April I am taking a selah.

There is no question I have been over-functioning – red lining it as on an RPM gauge. So I will be unplugging from email, ditching the Blackberry and structuring my days around physical rest, relational renewal and spiritual restoration.

While the Arrow board have encouraged and freed me from the work at the office I was also encouraged and ‘freed’ while in New York with my friend Geri Scazerro. Geri shared how she came to a place of ‘quitting’ and has since reordered her life. She has written a book telling the whole story that I recommend.

In her book Geri shares that she came to the conviction she needed to:

  1. Quit being afraid of what others think
  2. Quit lying – to yourself and others
  3. Quit dying to the wrong parts of yourself
  4. Quit denying anger, sadness and fear
  5. Quit blaming
  6. Quit over-functioning
  7. Quit faulty thinking
  8. Quit trying to live someone else’s life

These insights from Geri are helpful for every leader – every person. They are worthy just pausing over.

Pause Button

Leaders recognize the responsibility to lead their own lives before trying to lead others. This is why I feel it important to simply pause for this time, devote the days to God and time with him above all else.

Few are able to have a month for ‘pausing’ – I understand this – but actually this may never be necessary for you. We have been created to punctuate life with rest and things that restore us. Observance of a weekly sabbath rest and well planned holidays are two practices that help leaders sustain themselves both physically and spiritually. I’m going to take the time during my selah to lay out my days, weeks and months ahead and ensure my calendar reflects this kind of healthy rhythm going forward.

Well that is my story, but let’s talk about you for a moment. How are you doing?

Let me ask you:

  • When was the last time you heard someone brag on how rested they feel?
  • When was the last time you celebrated a “normal” workweek?
  • What’s it costing you, to let life’s pace drive you?
  • Are you doing for others what they can and should do for themselves?

Selah, Carson