Most people celebrating St. Patrick’s Day today couldn’t tell you much about the man behind the shamrock. They know the colour green. They know Ireland. They might know snakes.
Here’s what they don’t know: Patrick wasn’t Irish.
He was a teenager from Roman Britain when Irish raiders kidnapped him and sold him into slavery. He spent six years alone on a hillside in Ireland, tending sheep, cold and forgotten. Then he escaped, made it home — and went back.
That decision is the whole story.
Character Before Competence
Leadership literature loves a good framework. Five steps to this. Three habits of that. What it rarely talks about is what Patrick understood instinctively: who you are when no one is watching is who you will be when everyone is.
Six years of slavery didn’t produce a bitter man. They produced a formed one.
Patrick’s years of hardship weren’t a detour from his calling — they were the preparation. The loneliness deepened his prayer life. The powerlessness cultivated humility. The suffering stripped away every motive except the one that mattered.
Most leaders want the influence without the formation. Patrick got the formation first. The influence followed.
He Went Back
This is the move that separates Patrick from nearly every leader I’ve ever studied.
He escaped Ireland. He was free. He had every reason — and every right — to never think about that island again. Instead, he had a dream in which he heard the Irish people calling him to return. And he went.
Not because it was safe. Not because it was strategic. Because it was his.
Calling-driven leadership and career-driven leadership look similar on the outside. Both produce activity, results, even impact. But when the cost goes up — when the assignment gets hard, when the opposition stiffens, when it would be entirely reasonable to walk away — only one of them stays.
Patrick stayed because he wasn’t building a career. He was answering a call.
He Didn’t Lead Alone
Patrick didn’t build an institution. He built a community.
The Celtic model of leadership that Patrick embodied was relational at its core — small bands of people moving together, sharing life, extending the mission not through hierarchy but through belonging. He formed clann.
There’s something countercultural in that today. We measure leaders by their platform, their reach, their numbers. Patrick measured his work by whether people were genuinely changed — and whether they, in turn, changed others.
The leaders I most respect aren’t the ones with the biggest stages. They’re the ones with the deepest roots — people who know and are known, who lead from inside a web of real relationship rather than above it.
The Question Patrick Leaves You With
Here’s where I want to leave you — not with a technique, but with a mirror.
Patrick went back to the place of his suffering and made it the place of his greatest contribution. That is not a coincidence. That is a pattern.
What is the hard place you’ve been avoiding? The hard conversation you keep deferring? The assignment that feels too costly, too uncomfortable, too much like going back to something you’d rather leave behind?
It may be precisely the thing you’re meant to walk toward.
That’s what I wrote about in Lead Like a Saint. Not a hagiography of a historical figure, but an honest look at what it means to lead from character, from calling, and from the kind of courage that doesn’t make headlines but does change lives.
Patrick didn’t set out to become a saint. He set out to be faithful.
That’s still the best leadership model I know.
Lead Like a Saint is available now. And if you are interested in hearing about my upcoming leadership tours in Ireland — the actual places where Patrick walked — head to this link for a chat, or email me at tours+carson@carsonpue.com. Happy St. Patrick’s Day.
Murphy doesn’t understand my world. He just trusts me.
(There is a sermon in that.)
Every night, without fail, our wee Murphy, half Maltese and half Yorkshire Terrier, entirely convinced he owns the place, pads across the bedroom floor, climbs up onto the bed, and curls himself into the crook of my legs. He lets out a small sigh, tucks his nose under his tail, and that’s that. He’s home.
Last night I was thinking about what he doesn’t know when he does that.
He doesn’t know what I’m carrying. He has no idea whether the day was good or brutal, whether the conversation I’m replaying went well or sideways, whether the decision I’m sitting with is straightforward or costly. He doesn’t know my theology, my calendar, my concerns. He’s a small dog with a smart mind and an unshakeable confidence that the person he’s curling up with is safe.
That’s not ignorance. That’s trust.
It’s the kind of trust that doesn’t require complete information before it leans in. Murphy has enough. He knows who I am to him — and that’s sufficient. He doesn’t wait until he understands everything about my world before he closes the distance.
I wonder how different that is from the way many of us approach God.
We want resolution before we’ll fully lean in. We want the diagnosis explained, the relationship repaired, the finances stabilised, the path clarified — and then we’ll settle into trust. We treat understanding as the precondition for proximity. But Murphy doesn’t operate that way. He doesn’t need to understand me. He just needs to be near me.
Which brings me to the second thing Murphy teaches me, almost without trying.
He’s not there to ask for anything. He’s not negotiating a treat or positioning for a walk. He’s not presenting a list of needs. He just — comes. The closeness is the whole point. There’s no agenda tucked under those folded paws. Just presence, freely given and fully enjoyed.
I find this quietly convicting. If I’m honest, much of my prayer life is transactional. I come to God with a fairly well-organised list. Which is not wrong — he invites it. But somewhere in the busyness of bringing requests, I can miss the simpler thing: just drawing close.
Murphy never seems to feel he has to earn his place beside me. He doesn’t arrive tentatively, hoping he’ll be tolerated. He comes with a kind of quiet “I belong here” confidence, and settles in. That confidence isn’t arrogance. It’s just the fruit of a relationship that has been consistent.
That’s what I want my approach to God to look like. Not striving to get his attention. Not performing well enough to deserve the access. Just coming. Trusting that he’s good, that I’m known, that the closeness itself is something he welcomes.
There’s a reason the ancient writers kept returning to the image of shelter — of being held, covered, close. It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom. The creature finding its right place beside the one it belongs to.
So here’s my question for you: When did you last come to God with no list? When did you last just draw close? Not to get something resolved. Not to present your case. Just to be near.
Murphy figured this out without any theology at all. Maybe that’s the point.
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” — James 4:8
I’m sitting in Moshava café in Greenwich Village, sipping an iced coffee that somehow tastes like magic, and once again I find myself grinning like a fool. I love this city. There, I said it.
New York City has me—hook, line, and soul.
Moshava Café
You see, I’m a city guy through and through. I’ve travelled the world, seen stunning landscapes, climbed high places and dipped toes in distant oceans—but there’s something about the energy of a great city that grabs me. And no city does it quite like New York.
Every time I come, I try to explain it. The people. The architecture. The rhythm. The sheer, unapologetic bigness of it all. And yet, words always fall short. NYC is less a place you describe and more a place you feel. You inhale it.
It starts with the people. New Yorkers are a breed all their own—gritty, warm, direct, and full of character. One moment you’re being told to move along with a classic New York glare, and the next, a stranger’s helping you haul a suitcase up the stairs like you’re lifelong friends. It’s paradoxical and perfect. There’s a unique humanity here, raw and honest. Just like I like it.
Then there’s the architecture. Good grief. You can’t walk ten feet without bumping into something historic, iconic, or simply beautiful. From the brownstones in Harlem to the iron façades in SoHo, from the spires of Midtown to the quiet, cobbled lanes of the Village, it’s like the city is singing—its song built in brick and steel. I never stop looking up. Ever.
The culture? It’s as if the whole world has pulled up a chair to this table. Theatre, music, design, street art, cuisine—it’s all here, all the time. One day you’re sitting in a restaurant that feels like a Massachusetts fish place time forgot. At the corner is Ben’s Pizza where he proudly displays “best in the world” on the rather dirty green awning. Next, you’re at a wine bar with the most expensive sushi you have ever had. Of course the Broadway shows beckon and Times Square is truly electric with people and signage And let’s not even get started on the bagels. You haven’t had a bagel until you’ve had a New York bagel.
Do you think the yogurt might be good here?
I don’t come here to escape life. I come here to feel it pulsing in full force. There’s a sacredness to the chaos. A kind of order in the mess. It reminds me of ministry, to be honest—loud, alive, unpredictable, but beautiful in ways you only notice when you stop long enough to really look.
St. Patrick’s Cathedral
And here’s what I’m learning, or maybe re-learning: every time I walk these streets, I walk them differently. A little older. Hopefully a little wiser. Still as curious as ever. But what stays the same is that sense that I’m part of something bigger here. New York stretches me. Invites me. Inspires me.
So yes, I’m a city guy. I love the noise, the pace, the stories etched into the sidewalks. But more than that—I love this city because, somehow, every time I’m here, it makes me feel more alive.
And that’s a gift I don’t take lightly.
If you’ve never been to New York—go. If you’ve been before—go again. And if you’re there now—look up. The city’s still singing.
Photo Credit: Jeremy Pue, Whitewater Productions. “A Road on Keats Island”
The photo above is one of the few roads on Keats Island and where our Better with Age retreat will be held. I love how the image draws you forward, but you do not know where it goes once you’re deeper into the forest. I do know that this road does come to a point where you have to make a decision to go right or go left.
It has been my lifelong commitment to inspire souls to lead, to find strength in their convictions, and to empower their steps with unwavering confidence. Now, as I reflect on the inevitability of my own aging, I recognize the need for those skills to adapt and endure. That is why I joined my dear friends, Dr. Paul Pearce and Dr. Paul Stevens, who taught a course at Regent College called “Aging Matters,” based on Stevens’s book. This is also why my wife Glenda, Paul and I are facilitating a retreat for Baby Boomers in partnership with Barnabas Landing called “Better with Age.”
Better with Age allows Baby Boomers to delve into matters of calling, spirituality, and legacy in retirement. In this environment, we want to be encouraged to continue to discern our purpose as we grow older and remain meaningfully engaged for the rest of our lives. We want you to better understand this season of life and reframe retirement as a time of continued calling and productivity. Better with Age points to biblical wisdom that can help us redefine aging as an extraordinarily fruitful season of life.
The Fork in the Road – Acceptance or Denial?
I found myself, much like you might have, standing at a metaphorical fork in the road. One path, worn by the countless footsteps of the courageous, is the thoroughfare of acceptance—a road where we acknowledge the reality of our age with clear eyes and a full heart. The other path is denial, coated with the veneer of youth—a tempting detour that leads one into a mirage, away from the weight of years and the truth they carry.
Choosing the road of aging is far from waving a white flag; it is an act of courage. It’s an uprising against the fear of irrelevance, a bold declaration that our sunset years can be as enriching as the dawn of our youth. Here, real love flourishes, the kind that endures beyond transitory feelings—a resilient garden blooming from the seed of commitment nourished by actions and deeds.
Guidance Through the Uncertainties of Aging
Allow me to impart some guidance drawn from years of whispering courage into the hearts of leaders, many of whom struggle in the twilight of their careers:
Acknowledge Change: Recognize the transformation in your body and mind as a natural progression of life, not as an enemy to be contested but as a companion on your journey. This acceptance paves the way for peace and prepares the arena for untapped growth.
Invest in Healthy Living: We must learn and practice skills to maintain vitality. Prioritize wellness, engage in activities that nourish your body, and cultivate habits that anchor your mental health. Remember, well-being is a discipline, not a mere stroke of luck.
Cultivate Lasting Bonds: True affection stems from the roots of shared experiences and weathered storms. Commit to your relationships, be they professional or personal, and watch as affection deepens into a resilient bond that time can only strengthen, not wither.
Legacy of Leadership: Aging as a leader bestows upon you the rare opportunity to reflect not only on successes but also on the wisdom harvested from trials. Pass down this legacy. Mentor the young, ignite purpose in their endeavours, and gift them with a compass that points toward integrity and authentic living.
The Virtue of Adaptability: In a world that glorifies perpetual youth, be the voice that champions adaptability. Model how one can simultaneously honour the past and gracefully evolve to adopt new perspectives, skills, and roles.
Forks and Roads – A Personal Anecdote
Like you, I, too, encountered this fork. I was living the “Life of Carson,” as my doctor once told me, and on the road of denial, thinking I could do everything I have always been able to do. Well, that is not true anymore. Now I chose the road of aging—the less-travelled road, and I am learning about new things and seeing how God still has purpose for us as we age. I accepted the graying of my hair as a crown of wisdom, and although my family DNA does not seem to flood my top with grey, I do see more than I did last year. The new lines on my face are etchings of both joy and sorrow, borne with equal grace.
What changed my perspective? In 2022, I spent three weeks in a hospital ICU. I was having a multitude of tests done on my heart due to an incident. That experience caused me to face, with some evidence, that I was getting older. To be honest, I fought it, but in quiet moments, while resting in my hospital bed, I realized I was entering what I now call the third period of the hockey game and with no promise of overtime. I came out of the hospital with an ICD, and a different lifestyle. This choice to accept my getting older has not been without its struggle, but it has been illuminated with an authenticity that actually makes life even better.
What road are you on? Pause. Reflect. Then, stride forward, knowing that you do not walk it alone. We all are learning lessons. My insights and yours are like lanterns left to light the way for others. May they guide you to lead with conviction as you inherit the mantle of your twilight sage.
In closing, remember readers, the roads we select will wind and weave differently for each of us, but the horizon is shared—the dusk of our days. As the Scriptures share, we do not number our days, but we can choose how we will live them. Aging is neither the end of the road nor the cessation of influence; it is a continuance, a testament to the lives we’ve moulded, the leadership we’ve inspired, and the legacy we leave behind.
Lead on, not despite your years, but because of them.
Glenda and I are working with Barnabas Landing to host an annual retreat called “Better with Age.” As you can guess it’s being focussed on those of us over 55 years of age and facing the transition zone into the third period of life.
This has led us to read a great deal on the subject of aging and the issues that surface because of our getting older. These reflections by Tim I know will resonate with many.
Our next Better with Age retreat will be held April 8-11, 2024.
As the summer days dwindle and the crispness of autumn fills the air, pastors of churches in the Northern Hemisphere find themselves at the cusp of a new beginning. The transition from summer to fall marks not just a change in weather but also the start of what we often refer to as the new “church year.” For pastors, this period can be filled with emotions and challenges as they navigate the shifting dynamics within their congregations and guide their teams and boards through the transition. As one who has been a pastor and developed the leadership skills of hundreds of pastors, I would like to share and explore the priorities pastoral leaders should focus on during this time, discuss some new patterns for sustainable ministry, and provide practical tips to help pastors find balance amidst the changing seasons.
Emotions and Challenges:
Seasonal transition periods can bring about a mix of emotions for pastors. The anticipation of what lies ahead, coupled with the weight of responsibility, can sometimes make even the most seasoned leaders feel a sense of apprehension. Leading a team through this period of change requires a delicate balance of empathy, vision, and communication. Pastors must be attuned to the emotions of their team and board members, providing reassurance and support while also setting clear vision and expectations for the new church year.
Priorities and Approaches:
During this seasonal phase, pastors must prioritize certain aspects to ensure a smooth and successful start to the new church year. Here are a few key areas that deserve special attention:
Vision Casting: As the leader of the church community, pastors play a crucial role in setting the vision and direction for the upcoming year. This involves communicating overarching goals, themes, and strategies to the team and board members, inspiring them to embrace the vision as their own.
Team Development: Building a solid and cohesive team is essential for any pastor. During this transition, pastors should intentionally invest time in nurturing relationships, identifying individual strengths, and aligning team members with their respective roles. This fosters a sense of unity and purpose, enabling the team to work harmoniously towards shared goals.
Renewed Spiritual Focus: The start of a new church year provides an opportunity for pastors to reinvigorate their own spiritual journey and encourage their congregation to do the same. Pastors should prioritize personal spiritual practices, such as prayer and reflection, to ensure they are spiritually nourished and equipped to lead. I know many pastors who take a retreat time in October or November after getting the church up and running in September.
New Patterns for Sustainable Ministry:
Pastors must create a healthy work-life balance by developing sustainable habits. I was personally not great at this, and there is a price to be paid. Here are some practical tips for achieving this:
Time Management: Pastors can benefit from implementing effective time management techniques, such as creating schedules, prioritizing tasks, and setting boundaries. This allows them to allocate time for both ministry responsibilities and personal rejuvenation.
Delegation and Empowerment: Pastors should learn to delegate tasks and empower others within their teams. By entrusting responsibilities to capable individuals, pastors can reduce their workload and create opportunities for growth and development among team members.
Self-Care: It is crucial for pastors to prioritize self-care to avoid burnout. This can include engaging in hobbies, seeking support from mentors or peers, and practicing self-care. By taking care of themselves, pastors can better serve their communities, but as my therapist says of pastors, “We have a hard time taking off the collar.”
Encouraging Motivation and Energizing the Team:
To ensure that the transition period remains positive and energizing for their team and board, pastoral leaders can implement the following practical strategies:
Celebrating Achievements: Acknowledging and celebrating the successes of the previous year can boost morale and motivate team members to continue their hard work.
Setting Short-Term Goals: Breaking down larger objectives into smaller, achievable goals helps maintain focus and provides a sense of accomplishment along the way.
Cultivating Community: Creating spaces for fellowship, team-building activities, and open communication fosters a sense of belonging and camaraderie among the team and board members.
Those of you who know me will appreciate my sailing reference and photos here.
Being at the helm is more than just a phrase; it represents taking charge and assuming a position of leadership. When someone is at the helm, they are in control and responsible for guiding the course of action. It signifies a person’s ability to make decisions, steer the ship, and navigate through challenges.
Just like a captain stands at the helm of a ship, leaders stand at the forefront, providing direction and inspiration to their teams. They possess the vision, knowledge, and skills necessary to guide others towards success. Being at the helm requires qualities such as confidence, decisiveness, and the ability to inspire trust and unity among team members.
Leadership is an ongoing journey that involves continuous learning, adaptability, and effective communication. Whether in a professional setting, a community organization, or even in one’s personal life, being at the helm means taking ownership of one’s actions and making choices that positively impact those around them.
Remember, leadership is not only about taking control but also about empowering others, fostering collaboration, and achieving collective goals. By stepping up and embracing the responsibility of being at the helm, men and women have the opportunity to make a lasting impact and bring about positive change.
So, as summer fades and a new church year begins, pastors find themselves at the helm of change. By prioritizing vision casting, team development, and spiritual focus, pastors can navigate this transition with confidence and grace. Through new patterns for sustainable ministry, pastors can find a balance between their work and personal lives. By encouraging motivation and energizing their teams, pastors create a supportive environment for growth and renewal. Embrace this change of seasons as an opportunity to recommit to your calling and make a lasting impact on your community. May this new church year bring blessings, growth, and transformation to pastors and their congregations alike.
Now, let’s plan a time to get outside and enjoy some of the crisp morning air of Fall.
I was in church this past Sunday. I say it like that because I am often unable to be in my home church due to my ministry, where I am speaking somewhere else on Sundays. But today, we were back with our congregation, and it felt so good.
February is missions month at our church, where we get reports from around the world where we are involved. This month we are seeking to raise $250 thousand to support ministries beyond our walls. As I watched and listened to our lead pastor, he shared about the work we are involved with in India. My mind wandered a bit as I thought of how that church in India is also meeting today. Around the world today, and each week, pastors are speaking at 37 million churches.
Pastor Derrick Hamre, CLA Langley
When people think about pastors, often the picture of a quiet and reserved person comes to mind. But what many don’t realize is that pastors work tirelessly behind the scenes preparing sermons and messages every week. Millions of pastors – men and women – stand in front of their congregations each Sunday, providing words of hope, help, healing, inspiration, and life-changing messages from the Bible.
Just imagine – pastors have to keep up with current events and use them as examples for their messages; they research sound theological insights, all while finding time to practice before presenting these sermons, attending meetings, visiting and leading teams! It’s no wonder pastors can become exhausted after preaching week after week.
As churchgoers, we should be more mindful and thankful for pastors who dedicate their lives to sharing the gospel. Speaking in front of a large crowd is just as terrifying as rewarding. Let’s take the time to thank pastors for giving us hope and inspiring us week after week! They deserve our deep appreciation and respect for all the hard work they put into each sermon.
Delivering the sermon is not the goal each Sunday. “Only half of the pastor’s work is to gather the people together for worship. The other half is to send them back to their daily tasks equipped to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. If we forget this second part, the other can be positively dangerous.” – Leslie Newbigin
Let’s show pastors some much-needed love and gratitude by taking a moment out of our day to say “thank you”. After all, pastors are essential in keeping up the spiritual momentum that leads us closer to God – which really is lifegiving! You may be at a church with more than one pastor in which case we should also reach out to the entire team with appreciation. A small word, or note of encouragement goes a long way.
So next time you hear a pastor speak at church, remember how incredible they are and offer a prayer of thanks to God for them.
Thank you, pastors, for all that you do – may God bless you.
Thank you for your interest and emails concerning this series on what questions I am commonly asked by leaders in mentoring relationships. While many have heard the term mentoring, lots of you are not quite sure what takes place in a formal mentoring relationship. Here is my next cluster of topics that I commonly speak to executives about. I welcome your comments or questions so please leave a note in the comments section at the end.
The development of men and women leaders is my calling, starting with my family. My work as an Executive Mentor is to come alongside leaders and their organizations helping them to be effective, well balanced and successful.
Often, I am asked, “What do leaders want to talk to you about?”. Some topics come up frequently and I shared examples in my previous posts in this series found here and part two here.
A mentor walks beside you and, in doing so, helps build your confidence and leadership ability. We help you discover insights, skills and solutions for your business, church, organization, or life. Our support and guidance helps you to draw your own conclusions and decisions guided by experience and passion for you to be a better leader.
So many leaders have an aversion to conflict and, because of this, do not hold their staff accountable properly. This fear leads to siloing and team members creating their fiefdoms within the organization. Our fear of conflict is usually grounded in our upbringing, and a therapist can be helpful if you want to understand more about your fear of confronting.
Usually, something from the past has created assumptions about how it will go, and you back off.You can’t change what you refuse to confront. Suppose leaders spend time avoiding arguments or difficult conversations. In that case, they are surrounded by people with poor job performance, staff who do not work well with others, a toxic atmosphere in the office, and status quo results.
A mentor can do several things to help also. I usually start with assisting the leader in realizing the “cost” of not being direct and reminding them that it is part of their job. If we consider what might be gained by being direct, leaders often reconsider assumptions holding them back.
There are MANY mistakes we can make when confronting others, and a mentor can help. Two quick tips are:
1. Don’t wait and always speak about it in person.
2. Never use email or voicemail for this leadership function.
One book I recommend is Jill Scott’s “Radical Candor” where she describes how she had to learn to be more direct as a leader.
If we confront someone we should have one goal in mind: restoration, not embarrassment.
Leaders who postpone making decisions frustrate their teams and lose the respect for their leadership. Over time if you keep deferring making a decision, you will lose your best employees who want more action, and you will encourage those who love the status quo. With similarities to leaders who have trouble confronting employees, leaders who fail to make decisions share fear as the core of the problem. Mentors can help you face your fears and gain confidence.
Overthinking and perfectionism are common culprits with those who delay making decisions. Leaders in the relentless pursuit of perfection are afraid of deciding because they fear making the wrong decision. Only God knows the future, and therefore any decision we make is subject to variables that might happen in the future.
I make a decision. Then, if things don’t turn out like I thought, I make another decision.
Dave Ramsey
A mentor can help you develop the skill of making decisions and can also help you to evaluate your choices after implementation. You can grow in this area by experience, but experience comes at a cost – you are going to make some mistakes.
A mentor can serve as a safe sounding board for a senior leader to think aloud about identifying a problem. It is essential to discover what the real problem is.
A friend in Houston who was a bonafide card carrying rocket scientist with NASA told me, “The problem is NEVER the problem.”
There is a lot of truth in that nugget. How many of us have solved a problem only to find that it created several new problems. Finding solutions to complex situations requires help. I am always impressed with a leader who knows they would benefit from some mentoring when solving the root cause of some leadership issue. Often fresh eyes, like a mentor provides, can point out the obvious and save a great deal of time and potential loss.
If I had an hour to solve a problem I’d spend 55 minutes thinking about the problem and 5 minutes thinking about solutions
Albert Einstein
One leadership tip: Don’t let yourself get enamoured with large amounts of data. It is only helpful if you can make sense of it.
The global pandemic of COVID, created change for leaders. I think of change as the shift of an external situation. As we have seen, it can happen fast and cause global upheaval. Transition is the reorientation people need to make in response to change, and that takes time.
Sometimes mentors can help leaders, or their teams, accept the need for change. It is easy to believe what they’ve been doing, and how they’ve been doing it, is the best possible way to do it. To be successful in both implementation, and helping people we need to manage both the change and the transition.
Similarly, succession-related factors should be on a leader’s radar. Often a safe discussion with a mentor, who does not hold power or position over the leader, is constructive to begin strategizing for the future.
To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.
I work with many not-for-profit organizations, which means their CEO, ED or President serve a governing board of directors. The operational leader reports to and works for the board, and a healthy, positive relationship with your “boss” makes your life much easier. However, no two boards are alike, and bad board governance is the stuff of legends. Those who serve on boards may need some leadership in working well with the CEO or lead staff person.
Leading up is more complicated than managing your team. It may involve offering your board a strategic insight, or a plan for a new initiative. I remind those I mentor that every member on a board has a day job. They do not live with the day-to-day operations of your organization, and they need leadership assistance to help understand what you and the staff do regularly. A mentor experienced serving on boards and who has worked for boards can assist both the board and the management team in working together.
Lots of times we are afraid to ask our board members to do too much because we’re afraid they will be scared off. I have long observed that more board members resign for lack of meaningful work, than from being overworked.
You and Your Nonprofit Board (Temkin, 2013)
Mentoring Associates
I have drawn together a team of associates to work with me in serving leaders. This new approach to coaching and mentoring has expanded our capacity to help leaders like yourself. Our team has a diversity of giftedness to mentor leaders in life, leading themselves, leading teams, strategy and marketing, all from a faith perspective.
If you would like to speak to me about how you might become more effective as a leader, spouse, strategist or influencer, please let’s talk. Here is my calendar, and you can choose a time that works for you.
Awhile back, I had a conversation with my therapist, Ahmad. I cannot stop thinking about it. Ok, so he is not really my therapist, he is my barber, but our conversations are always fascinating.
Ahmad and I talked about the summer holidays and a time when he drove his family pulling a trailer. As he was driving, he felt the trailer’s weight and momentum behind him as he held the wheel. On the other hand, his wife was chatting to him without any sense of the pressure and responsibility of towing a trailer.
The first time I drove a trailer that was not behind a tractor was towing a sailboat in downtown Vancouver. It was scary at first. Was it hitched properly? Would my brakes handle the extra weight? What about the extra height – would I make it under bridges?
There was a certain sway to the trailer as the sailboat seemed unbalanced. I knew I had to be careful, especially when backing up while having my brain wrestle with counter-intuitive steering in the opposite direction. No question, Ahmad was correct in identifying driving with a trailer as stressful.
In a survey by the Center for Creative Leadership, eighty-eight percent of leaders reported that work is the primary source of stress in their lives and that having a leadership role increases stress levels. No kidding!
..having a leadership role increases stress levels. No kidding!
Carson Pue
In all my years of mentoring leaders, I have never seen an intensity of stress faced by leaders, as during this COVID-19 season. Whether in business, non-profits, or churches, leaders are juggling many additional demands on their time, attention, and focus. This past month, even the most effective leaders I know are feeling emotionally and physically worn down because of the pandemic.
When we as leaders are under extreme stress, it affects us in many ways. Our decision-making is affected because we have trouble processing information, and COVID has caused extreme responses. Often leaders focus on the immediate and have been kept from thinking about the long-term implications of decisions.
Another stress response is to become very controlling. Leaders stop working with their teams and make unilateral decisions as they try to control the situation – a pandemic beyond our ability to control.
Leadership stress also drives men and women into isolation. They want to withdraw, to hide, to run. By shutting other people out of their lives, leaders are often left with only their own counsel causing people around them to lose trust while they lose perspective.
The most common question I ask leaders these days is, “How well are you sleeping?” Stress impacts the quality of sleep we are getting. Lack of sleep affects our behaviour, reduces confidence, and can damage relationships with those closest to us.
Do you know a normally calm and positive leader who is now showing signs of anger, irritability, and being overwhelmed? These are signs that your leader needs to be encouraged to take time to practice radical self-care.
A problem exists in that you and I can just be “along for the ride.” We are unaware of the stress involved in driving the leadership trailer. So let me urge you to reach out to a leader and encourage them. Let them know you understand the stress they must be feeling and encourage their practicing of self-care. Lower high expectations during this time, and recognize good things they have accomplished. Encourage them to recharge, recover, pray and practice restorative activities.
Our family loved our sailboat and for sixteen years we would be out on the ocean as often as we could. Today, I kept noticing my head raised up to look at the weather. What do I look for first? The wind. It is the wind that gets the attention of sailors, and this was one of those days.
In a sailboat, you cannot get back to port quickly should something go awry. This fact breeds self-reliance among those of us who love the sea. You learn to look at all the elements, to study the weather, to do a walk around your boat before casting off, and to understand where you are going and all about navigation.
Laughing now at the thought of how many times I would drive my car 100 kilometres per hour to get to our sailboat at Point Roberts WA so that I could get on board and proceed at seven knots towards some unknown destination. All the while, adjusting the sails, tweaking the sheets and scanning the water trying to get one more tenth of a knot out of her.
Perspective
Sailing, for me, has been the one thing I do that puts everything in proper perspective. I see it as the ultimate expression of freedom – perhaps exactly because I have chosen to place myself in a position where there is no forgiveness for mistakes. This causes you to become very aware of what’s going on.
Annalong
This is Annalong. She was named after a small fishing village in County Down, Northern Ireland where the Pue family are from. In fact the Presbyterian church at the top of the road has the Pue family gravesite with many of my ancestors named. It is also a meaningful name to us as my mothers name was Anna and we purchased the boat shortly after her death.
We don’t own her any longer. She is off on adventures with another family, but I sure miss her. Along with sailing her, I miss writing in the salon, making coffee at sunrise and sipping it outside in the cockpit during my quiet time. As the sun rose I would continue to sit there, my mind coming slowly to rest like I was in a sacred sanctuary.
Annalong was to me as I imagine going to a cabin is or others. But let me tell you, when you put up the sails and the hull moves through the water with waves lapping her side – there is nothing like it.
Being on a boat that is moving through the water it’s so clear… Everything falls into place in terms of what’s important, and what’s not.
James Taylor
Mentoring moment…
How is the COVID pandemic like being out on the ocean?
How has it made you more aware of what is going on, and what’s important?
From My Chair 