Why am I crying

It’s a game, a sport. There are winners and losers all the time in atheltics. Why do I have tears?

pic credit Team Logo Style

My team, Trinity Western University Spartans Women’s Volleyball, lost our first game in the Canadian national championship to our cross town rivals UBC. If you follow me on social media you know this is my team. I am known as “One Sport Carson” at the univeristy.

You can say, “But Carson, one team had to lose.” Yes, and that’s the reality of sports. But today, deep down, I believe it should not have been my team that lost.

I have cried a great deal in the past four years experiencing great loss in my own life. Through this have come to recognize that there are different kinds of tears. Sad tears. Shrieking grief tears. Uncontrolable sobbing tears. Angry frustrated dry tears. Tears you cannot stop that seem to last forever. I’ve got a cold, tears. Hormonal tears. Lovingly surprised tears like when you receive an unexpected visit from a loved friend. Symbiotic tears of compassion. Scientists have actually studied the microscopic structure of tears and found that our tears are indeed different.

No microscope was needed to tell me that my tears today were tears not of grief for the loss, but of heart felt compassion for the team.

This is the end of the season. For the team, their volleyball season is wrapping up. For me, it is also the end of a season. I am completing my contract with the university shortly and moving on to a new adventure. I wanted my team to win the nationals as this was my last year. That might have been part of my tears, but I know from whence these tears came.

Celebration after winning the Canadian Western Championship 2019

#SpartansWVB is not just some athletic team. It is a group of women for which I have utmost respect. For their athleticism, scholarly accomplishments, humour, and service. But most importantly, I love their character. The team has become a community. They laugh together. Today, they cried together. They enjoy hanging out with one another and support each other through lows and celebrate accomplishments together. These women are going to change the world on and off the court as they live out their callings.

A large smile comes across my face as I walk across campus and have our tallest women calling my name and waving hello. It’s not hard to spot them in a crowd. This routine started after I travelled to China with the team four years ago.

After the death of my wife Brenda, and then suffering another loss with the death of my fiancé Ruth last year, many from this team have reached out in caring for me. They ask how I am doing, send me notes of encouragement and pray for me. When my granddaughter comes to watch games, they indulge a proud grandpa by allowing Ellie to get a picture with them.

Ellie being recruited. #futurespartan

I shed tears today not because this is just “some team” that lost. To me, they are Meaghan, Kristin, Alexis, Dora, Michaella, Hilary, Olivia, Ansah, Ashtyn, Micaylee, Sedona, Jessica, Alison, Avery, Savannah, Brie, Emma, and Mikaelyn. They wanted to win today, especially for their team mates who are in their last year of elgibility. But that didnt happen, and there were tears. So feeling like I am an extension of the team, I teared up too.

Next year, I’ll be back (he says with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent). I love this team unconditionaly – win or lose. I’ll support my TWU volleyball team. We are all Spartans.


invented by men, perfected by women

3 thoughts on “Why am I crying

  1. Ahhh so sorry to hear this. I was really hoping for your team to win. As an avid Stampeder fan I know the agony of defeat when it should have been your year. ( Took us three kicks at the can).
    The team sounds like a beautiful group of women!

  2. Wow bro, it’s 5am and I’m up reading this story from the heart. But then again, every word that you speak comes from the heart. You’ve been blessed with an amazing gift of telling a story in such a heartfelt emotional way that I have tears reading this. Saturday morning, awake early, waiting for my fav cartoon Yogi Bear to broadcast and I’m wiping tears! You’re such an inspiration of what real Love and being “All In” looks and feels like! Thank you for being so…. well, just you, and Praise God for the one named Carson 🙏🏼 Think of you every day 🙋🏼‍♂️ 🛩

  3. Thanks Carson for another great post, that brought back childhood memories. The Peruvian women’s volleyball team gave me and the country so much joy as I was growing up. They were all from humble backgrounds, they trained under a leaking roof, the scourge of Maoist terrorism was ravaging the country and they finished runners up in the Olympics in 1988. Earlier in 1982 we finished runners up in the world championships which were here in Lima. I cried tears of joy as we beat the mighty USA in the semis and then tears of pride and what might have been as we lost in the final to China. Interestingly Canada finished 11th that year. Currently Peru only ranks 26th in the world, behind Canada in 17th. Just as you are Spartan, here todos somos Peru – we are all Peru.

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