Dweller on the Threshold

When the doctor told me it would be good to gather the family my knees began to wobble. While I’ve have had more than a year and half to absorb my Brenda’s living with cancer this brought a solemn view of time for me.

thresholdMy father before his death used “dweller on the threshold” to describe his understanding of where he stood – between this world and heaven.  This aural poetry from Northern Ireland is a vivid image of end of life days. Brenda is there now, standing on that threshold with the door open awaiting her to step across at the appointed time. Knowing how much my dad loved her, he will likely be fighting to be right behind Jesus greeting her entry into heaven.

Our family are all together now in one big sleep over. The love, prayers and care is beyond description. It is Brenda’s desire that she be able to die at home and our doctor and incredible medical team are helping make that wish reality. Shifts between all our sons and daughters ensure that Mom is never alone. There is nothing left to be said – just love to be felt, actually felt. It is an amazing privilege.

There is only One who numbers our days and that is the Lord. Brenda knows this, and has taught us this, by exceeding all of the medical predictions and giving us so many new memories to cherish. Memories we will collect even today, and they will never diminish.

More reflections, and more of the story, will follow but presently we want to be left alone to savour the hours – remembering this actually is how we should live life everyday.

57 thoughts on “Dweller on the Threshold

  1. Carson and family, Know that we are upholding you all in prayer.

  2. My heart breaks as I read the blogs and the wonderful comments from so many. My deepest sympathy to you all. Such a supportive community there is. May God give peace, comfort, renewal and refreshing as you continue in the grief process and as you celebrate her life.
    Isabel Acheson (Fraser)

  3. As Brenda fell into the arms of Jesus this morning, I am praying for peace for you, my friend. Through tear filled eyes, I type, trying to hope, but alludes me right now. This is when faith becomes real. I am glad I get to bear witness to yours, with all its fraility it stands as a testament to your love, even as you lay crumbled in grief. I have to trust the ever living Spirit of God to intercede for you on my behalf because words really fail me right now. I am so sorry, Carson. May you and your sons, daughters and grand children know peace in these hours and days of grieving death.

  4. My prayers are with you, Brenda, and your family. I will never forget our time together on Keats’ Island. The investment she made in me over a cup of coffee and a bowl of granola has sustained me during some tough times in ministry and life.
    Glenn Queener

  5. Lifting your family in prayer as you spend these last moments with Brenda. May the presence and fragrance of Christ fill your hearts and your home. We love you guys! Thank you Brenda for your love of Christ and servant heart for Him!
    Love in Christ,
    David & Tammy Myles (+ kiddos)

  6. Brought tears to my eyes. What a story, what a journey, what a testimony to all of us.
    Praying for you, dear brother.

    I will walk out of the darkness
    And I’ll walk into the light
    And I’ll sing the song of ages
    And the dawn will end the night

    I’m a dweller on the threshold
    And I’m waiting at the door
    And I’m standing in the darkness
    I don’t want to wait no more

  7. Praying for each of you and praising our Father for enabling you to honour Him through this difficult time. With our love,

  8. D. L. Moody wrote at the time of his homegoing “Earth recedes; heaven opens before me. If this is death, it is sweet. There is no valley here! God is calling me, and I must go!” In his book ‘HEAVEN’ he writes “See! (she) is entering now the Eternal City of glorified saints, the blissful abode of the Savior’s redeemed. The prize he (she) so long has sought is at hand. See the gates yonder; how they fly wide open. See the herald angels . . . hear the glad shout ‘He (she) is coming!’ And (she) goes sweeping through the pearly gates along the shining way, to the very throne of God, and Christ stands there and says ‘Well done, thou good and faithful servant’ enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.’ Just think of hearing the Master say it! Will not that be enough for everything?”

    Our hearts are united with yours in prayer . . . God bless and comfort you all as only He can.

  9. Thank you for showing us how to live every day in Christ. Many prayers from the Atlantic Coast…Brent & Wendy

  10. Praying for you and your family. May Gods presence be tangibly experienced on your journey. May you feel His arms supporting you and His tears as His heart aches along with you and for you. And more than anything being assured of His love and care for all of you. Hugs and blessings. Lori

  11. God continue to bless you and all the family. Very sad to hear the latest health report. Thank you to you and all the family for sharing through this incredibly hard time. The thoughts are an inspiration. Rebecca

  12. Praying that all will be Sweet and Tender — everyone, especially Brenda. You are all so special. How precious is our God and how precious are His Hands that mold us into His Desire. What a beautiful witness Brenda has been to me of our Master’s Joy–, for His Love!

  13. You all are heavy on our hearts,we lift you up in prayer and ask that our precious Heavenly Father will embrace you all in his peaceful loving arms….your blog has been so meaningful! You are such a beautiful family!
    Much love, Rod & Cheryl Martens & family

  14. Carson and Brenda,
    We love you and are praying for this special family time. Thanks for letting us share and stand with you guys-even if from a distance! Doug and Lori McCary

  15. The watch. The wonder. The grace of grace. For those whom Christ is our victor.

  16. Praying God’s grace and strength as you lovingly release Brenda into the arms of God. May His glory surround you and may He be gracious to you.
    Brenda has been a blessing to many.
    with thanksgiving and love

  17. Thinking and praying for you all (and your incredible family & support network as noted above as you stand “in the gap” for your beloved Brenda; on this side of the threshold; as you have so touchingly written today, Carson.

  18. Carson and Brenda, thank you for sharing your thoughts and love. We continue to pray.
    Eugene and Mary-Lynn Kaulius

  19. Like Carolyn, I’ve held back, too, brother Carson, but I can’t now: So truly awe-ful to be where you are now…to be where we all are, yes, moment by moment, but to be standing still and looking at it, as we all try hard not to. You have all done exemplarily well, and God has blessed many, I’m sure, by your examples, even as you haven’t tried to be examples but just a loving family. And “just a loving family” is a wonderful thing to behold anytime, but especially in this dark valley. Love to you all.

  20. My prayers are with you all! Brenda is such a wonderful person and I have fond memories from years ago. She was always so joyful and encouraging to others. Loss of someone that special, a person who is so giving to others, is so hard on family members even though you know Heaven awaits. We have experienced that this year with my Mom’s passing. God bless you all.

  21. your journey is sharpening my sense of the imminent Threshold and wanting so deeply, inspired by Brenda’s courage, to be ready for Eternal Life and strong enough to allow the suffering that precedes eternity with Jesus. We watch and wait and pray….may you feel cradled by His love for you and for Brenda, and the entire family. You are loved.

  22. Carson,
    I’ve not contacted you earlier because I know you have a huge network of support. I was very touched by this posting. We did the same with my Don 9+ years ago. It’s the right thing to do.. Thinking of you all at this time. Carolyn (Goode )

  23. So difficult to read this. Even though I do not know you well I have been brought close to your family by Brenda’s precious thoughts on the Caring Bridge site. Much love to you and your wonderful family.

  24. Dear Brenda, Carson, and Family:

    Our prayers join those of many others as you are in this sacred space. Thank you, dear Brenda and Carson, for embracing us and helping make Calgary our home when we joined your home group many years ago. The memories made and the laughter and sharing during those precious years together with what you’ve been teaching us through this journey will be remembered forever.

    Much love,

    Linda and Craig

  25. Carson and Brenda. I pray God’s mighty arms will hold you and surround your whole family . I am so blessed to have wonderful, happy memories of our times together at Mt. Hermon. One day we can sit together and rehash these great memories. Brenda, you have inspired me every moment of every day on your journey. I pray that when I reach the threshold that I can be half the person you have been . Much love goes with you as you make your final journey. Until we meet again . . .and we will!

  26. Oops. Carson, love and prayers to you and your family. Brenda is such an incredible person and we will all miss her on this side of the veil. She will leave behind an incredible legacy of lives forever changed by the life of Jesus so evidently flowing through her!
    Andrew Bauer

  27. Though our hearts ache for you they also rejoice in the hope that Brenda has in front of her and the incredible testimony of her life. We are praying.

  28. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you as you treasure these moments together as a family.

  29. “On either hand we behold a birth, of which, as the moon, we see but half. To the region where she goes, the woman enters newly born. We forget that it is a birth and call it death. As the childbed is watched on earth with anxious expectancy, so the couch of the dying, as we call it, may be surrounded by birthwatchers of the other world, waiting like anxious servants to open the door to which this world is but the windblown porch.”
    — George MacDonald

  30. Dear Carson,

    My heart went out to you and the Pue Family on reading your journal this morning.
    Brenda is fully aware, that, to be absent in the body is to be present with her Lord. He has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
    I have, and will continue to uphold you and your family in my daily prayers. Both Brenda and your family have been such a tremendous testimony and inspiration to all who read Brenda’s journal.
    May the Lord’s presence be very obvious and real to you all.

  31. I pray the peace and love of God fill you up in each moment in the time ahead.

  32. Margaret and I are praying that the Lord be with all of you in this time.

  33. So very hard to read this. The verse that comes to mind is Isaiah 26:3 KJV “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusteth in Thee.” God is carrying you. Sending our love and prayers, Ross & Bev Johnston

  34. Thank you for sharing your blog post with Caring Bridge readers, Carson. We have been praying for you and Brenda and your family for many days now and will continue to do so. We can’t imagine being in either of your places and so feel thankful to be able to learn and pray from the sidelines.
    I have always been comforted by Jesus weeping at Lazarus’tomb, even though He knew that in just a few minutes He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead. He seems to be vividly and forcefully asserting His Presence in the midst of pain and loss. You and Brenda have allowed us to see Jesus asserting Himself to be Present with you, loving you and caring for you even though He knew that this time, too, would come for you all.

  35. We are standing with you in this sacred space. You are surrounded and the Lord is with you. Brenda – you are loved. Carson & Family – you are loved. Thank you for allowing us the privilege to humbly join you in prayer…
    Judith, Colin and Family

  36. What an achingly beautiful way to release your beloved into the arms of her Beloved.
    And what a blessing that there is nothing left to be said. God gave you the gift of being able to say it all. Now, “just the love to be felt, actually felt.” I love that, Carson. Thank you for loving Brenda the way you do. We are all the better for it.

  37. Carson, prayers for you and Brenda and your family, thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  38. Will be praying for you and your family, Carson. Thank you for sharing.

  39. Much love and prayers to you all, these are precious moments.

  40. Love and prayers to all of you. What a journey. Wonderful that you have your family around and so many wonderful friends. Shalom

  41. Much in prayer with you as you spend these last hours with Brenda. I know you will cherish them and they will be rich memories for you in the years to come. The enemy can not take them from us. The victory is still in the hands of Jesus.

  42. My heart is breaking for you all right now. I know the love your family shares, even though we have been out of touch. God has blessed you both with each other. You have always been an example of how to love. Sending prayers, and praying Gods arms envelop you. ❤️

  43. Praying for your family today as you cherish these moments with a Cherished One. May you know the presence of the Holy Spirit surrounding you and filling you as Brenda runs into the arms of her Saviour.

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