When Your Adult Children Move Away: Coping and Adjusting

As two of my adult children, Jon and Kirstie, packed up their lives and moved away with my youngest grandkids, I felt a profound sense of loss. The sound of laughter and pattering feet that filled our home just days ago now echoes in the distance. However, amid the sadness, I couldn’t help but marvel at the incredible adventure unfolding before them. Witnessing my children embrace new opportunities and navigate this chapter with faith in God evoked a mixture of pride and wistfulness within me.

Embracing Loss and Change:

When they first told us that they were going to move to Alberta, I was crushed. Then overnight, I realized that I had done the exact same thing to my parents – moving away with their grandchildren. I just had no idea how it felt. Jon and Kirstie sold their home and moved in with us for the last month and a half before their big move. Their presence during the Christmas season was truly a blessing. It was a joy to have them here, allowing us precious moments with the grandchildren. And once the little ones were tucked in bed, we cherished fireside conversations as adults. Now that they have left, the void seems greater and closer to home.

Despite the sadness that arises from their moving away, there is also some peace in knowing that love knows no bounds.

That’s from me but only after Glenda reminded me of this

At least today we have technology that can also help maintain a strong emotional connection, allowing for regular video calls, virtual story time, or even playing online games together. We can still create lasting memories and a sense of continuing closeness despite the physical separation. It made me sad to think how my parents only had a telephone landline when we moved away, and that was back when long-distance calls were very expensive.

Embracing change when your adult children move away can be a daunting and emotional experience. It’s natural to feel a sense of emptiness and loss, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Instead of focusing on the void left behind, I am going to try to consider embracing this transition as a chance to strengthen relationships with family and loved ones who are still nearby. This change is not an end but a new chapter.

By writing this blog I am coaching myself. It has been cathartic and thanks for reading this far.

If I were sitting across the desk from me wearing a mentor hat, I would suggest, “Use this time to reflect on the relationship you’ve had together and celebrate the memories while looking forward to visiting them in their new home. Embrace this change with hope, fostering an attitude of gratitude for the shared experiences and excitement for the opportunities that lie ahead.

But wait! You’re taking the grandkids??

I told my son that I didn’t really care if they moved away, but they should not be allowed to take my grandchildren.

Me, only half-joking

Grandchildren moving away is an emotionally challenging experience, as the bond between grandparent and grandchild is often deep and cherished. Roland and I are like a dynamic duo, and Glenda and Brooklyn are joined at the hip most of the time. Faith in the strength of this connection can provide comfort during times of transition and change. It’s important to nurture that love through ongoing communication and intentional efforts to stay connected despite physical distance.

Despite the sadness that may arise from their moving away, it’s possible to find peace in knowing that love knows no bounds. Embracing new technology can also help maintain a strong emotional connection, allowing for regular video calls, virtual story time, or even online games together. The impact of such efforts can be profound, creating lasting memories and a sense of continuing closeness despite the physical separation.

As the moving day approached, Grandpa and Grandma found themselves grappling with a mix of emotions. Our hearts are brimming with love for our grandchildren Roland and Brooklyn, yet a heaviness settles in at the thought of being physically distanced. Yet, in moments of quiet reflection, I can hold on with faith to the unbreakable connection we have. While distance may alter the dynamics of our relationship with the grandchildren, it cannot diminish the depth of love that binds us together. Love knows no bounds. True relationships withstand any obstacle.

Family Dynamic

Their departure has marked a seismic shift in our family dynamic. For the last many years, we have all lived within ten minutes of each other. Jon, Kirstie, Jason and Kristin lived literally across the street from each other and just four minutes away from us. So as they embarked on a new chapter of their lives, the family rhythms of daily life were disrupted, leaving an undeniable void in our midst. Late-night dog walks with brothers, Fire Nights, borrowing needed food items, having the kids drop over, all family meals, playtime with the cousins, everything is different now.

I suspect some initial shaking of the ground underneath us all, but I believe we can expect a subtle undercurrent of hope to emerge. In their absence, we may also discover some untapped reservoirs of resilience and unity within ourselves, anchoring us as we navigate uncharted waters as a family.

Jeremy: “I have never not lived in the same city as my brother.”

Me: “Well, there was a time that you lived in Perth Australia and Jon lived in Belfast, Northern Ireland?”

Jeremy: “Well yeah okay, but that wasn’t for that long and we stayed in touch. I remember that there was a wierd hour when the time zones worked for us to talk on Skype.”

Recent Conversation with Jeremy

Jon and Kirstie’s departure marked a shift in our family dynamic, but it also opened doors to newfound connections and experiences. Perhaps this separation was necessary for both their personal growth and mine. As they ventured off following a calling for a unique ministry with youth and pursuing career opportunities in different surroundings, I found myself reflecting on my own capacity for adaptation and resilience. It is much easier to do this when you are younger. Despite the bittersweet emotions that come with seeing your loved ones depart, there’s an undeniable beauty in witnessing their journey unfold.

Amidst the echoes of their laughter still lingering in our hearts, we found solace in the unshakeable foundation of faith that has always bound us together. Their departure became a catalyst for introspection and growth, prompting us to reevaluate and redefine what it truly means to be a family. Through this transformative process, we unearthed a newfound appreciation for the precious moments shared and embraced with renewed fervour the potential for burgeoning connections with one another.

Just before Christmas, I went out with my daughters to the Hallmark Christmas Movie set. They film a lot of their Christmas movies here; in fact, many are filmed right in our neighbourhood. After wandering around enjoying the Christmas decorations, we went out for supper. While having supper, I asked Kirstie what she was thinking of doing in terms of staying in touch with Kristin and Shari. She responded succinctly, “I am going to be very intentional.”

“I am going to be very intentional.”

Kirstie

Staying in touch with family is crucial for maintaining strong and meaningful relationships. In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to get caught up in our busy lives and neglect this important aspect of our lives. However, it is important to remember that family is a source of love, support and comfort, and we must make an effort to stay connected with them.

So what can we do to stay in touch?

One practical suggestion for staying in touch with family is to schedule regular check-ins or catch-up sessions. This could be through video calls, phone calls, or even sending letters or emails. By setting aside specific times to connect with our loved ones, we are showing them that they are a priority in our lives.

Additionally, utilizing technology can also help bridge the distance between family members who may live far away. Social media platforms, messaging apps, and free video conferencing tools have made it easier than ever to stay connected with loved ones regardless of geographic location.

However, it is important to note that simply relying on technology is not enough. We must also make the effort to physically visit and spend quality time with our family members whenever possible. Glenda and I are already planning our first trip out to visit and see their new house. We have also been in the practice of planning a regular family vacation (Puecation).

Perhaps the bottom line is this: Staying in touch with family requires intentionality and effort. Let us not take these relationships for granted and make the effort to nurture them. By doing so, we will strengthen our bonds as family members and create lasting memories that will enrich our lives.

By setting aside specific times to connect with our loved ones, we are showing them that they are a priority in our lives.

Carson Pue

PS. April 8-11, 2024, Glenda and I are facilitating a retreat called “Better with Age” at the beautiful Barnabas Landing on Keats Island. As I have been writing this, I’ve thought that this could be a valuable topic for parents experiencing similar transitions. The retreat provides a forum for Baby Boomers to share experiences and practical advice, creating a supportive community. We could also talk about what we can do in preparation for our children leaving. What do you think?

https://barnabaslanding.com/retreats/betterwithage

Jon, Kirstie, Ro and Brooklyn, we are excited about your new adventure and how God is going to work through you and your relationships there. Each day that passes is another day closer to seeing you again, and that thought brings me comfort. And remember, we are only a text message away.